Shock your friends by sending them an ASBO! Send either anonymously or reveal your name. They look just like the real thing until closer inspection! This is a spoof ASBO which has been issued by the FASHION POLICE (HEAD office) for being a BAD HAIRCUT! Restrictions are as follows: Wear a hat - even in bed don't go out in daylight - (in case you frighten animals and small children) hide all your mirrors - (in case you frighten yourself!) put a contract out on your hairdresser no more D.I.Y - lock up your scissors and leave the country for 6 months. For a period of six months from today.

Grey specimen box is removed from purchased item. Contents include: 1 Spoof ASBO 1 ASBO Envelope packed in a poly bag.

Shock your friends by sending them an ASBO! Send either anonymously or reveal your name. They look just like the real thing until closer inspection! This is a spoof ASBO which has been issued by the COMEDY COPS for TERRIBLE JOKE TELLING! Restrictions are as follows: Don't say "have you heard it" just before the punch line don't attempt jokes when you're drunk (or sober) you are only allowed out in public when you can stop repeating the same old joke laughing in the wrong places forgetting the punch line (and the story line) and falling about laughing at your (imagined) fantastic stories. As a stand up comedian you should sit down more often.

For a period of six months from today. Grey specimen box is removed from purchased item. Contents include: 1 Spoof ASBO 1 ASBO...

Shock your friends by sending them an ASBO! Send either anonymously or reveal your name. They look just like the real thing until closer inspection! This is a spoof ASBO which has been issued by the THOUGHT POLICE for BEING BORING! Restrictions are as follows: You are not allowed to bore your friends by repeating old stories talking about work or what you did on holiday. Subjects to be avoided: football golf skiing wine cheap flights how you stopped smoking price of your house your kids price of fish etc.

You are not allowed to show any home videos or photo albums you must at least pause for breath when people glaze over throw themselves out of windows under buses or become stiff. For a period of six months from today. Grey specimen box is removed from purchased item.

Contents include: 1...

Shock your friends by sending them an ASBO! Send either anonymously or reveal your name. They look just like the real thing until closer inspection! This is a spoof ASBO which has been issued by the TIGHT WAD WATCH for NOT BUYING YOUR ROUND! Restrictions are as follows: You will always be the first person to go to the bar. You will not go to the toilet come over faint recognise an old friend at the other end of the bar disappear or die when it's your round.

The usual excuses of wallet in other trousers waiting to pick up bet winnings you were mugged on way to pub "I'm not drinking tonight" bar man won't change a £50 note kids need shoes wage delayed etc. etc. will no longer stand up.

For a period of six months from today. Grey specimen box is removed from purchased item...

Shock your friends by sending them an ASBO! Send either anonymously or reveal your name. They look just like the real thing until closer inspection! This is a spoof ASBO which comes blank allowing you to fill out who it's been issued by and who the intended recipient is. The restrictions section also comes blank so you can write your own personal witticisms to make this spoof ASBO tailor made to your victim.

For a period of six months from today. Grey specimen box is removed from purchased item. Contents include: 1 Spoof ASBO 1 ASBO Envelope packed in a poly bag.

Shock your friends by sending them an ASBO! Send either anonymously or reveal your name. They look just like the real thing until closer inspection! This is a spoof ASBO which has been issued by the TIME AND MOTION POLICE for ALWAYS BEING LATE. Restrictions are as follows: You must always be first in the pub.

If you have arranged to meet your boyfriend / girlfriend / partner / spouse you must arrive early with flowers chocolates or booze. Your friends will not cover up for you at work lying to your boss that you are working downstairs / upstairs / outside / in the loo. You must get ready an HOUR before not 5 minutes before you go out.

If you are late in future you will grovel on the floor for as many minutes as you are late and buy everybody drinks. For a period of six months from today. Grey...

Shock your friends by sending them an ASBO! Send either anonymously or reveal your name. They look just like the real thing until closer inspection! This is a spoof ASBO which has been issued by LOOSE TONGUE MILITIA for GOSSIPING. Restrictions are as follows: Don't speak ill of other people - unless they deserve it.

Make up what you can't remember. Don't let the truth get in the way of a good story. When told something in confidence only tell 3 other people.

Talk behind people's backs - you may upset them if you say it to their faces. Always add something to a story - people are generally worse than you think. If you can't say anything good about a person then - there's always something bad you can say.

However you've been caught out so KEEP YOUR TRAP...

Shock your friends by sending them an ASBO! Send either anonymously or reveal your name. They look just like the real thing until closer inspection! This is a spoof ASBO which has been issued by BYWAY PATROL for CRAP DRIVING. Restrictions are as follows: You must stop driving like a mad person behind the wheel.

You must NOT race through lights that have changed to red drive or park on the pavement or reverse on the motorway slip road. You must not race up to speed cameras - slow to 30 mph for a few yards - then race off again. You must also learn to control your road rage and keep your middle fingers on the wheel.

For a period of six months from today. Grey specimen box is removed from purchased item. Contents include: 1 Spoof ASBO 1 ASBO Envelope packed in a poly bag.

Shock your friends by sending them an ASBO! Send either anonymously or reveal your name. They look just like the real thing until closer inspection! This is a spoof ASBO which has been issued by SICKY SQUAD for being a HYPOCHONDRIAC. Restrictions are as follows: You must stop blubbering on about your bad cold feelings of nausea possible terminal illnesses and feelings of impending bodily malfunction.

You must stop using imaginary illnesses as an excuse for time off not going out having sex or seeing your friends. You may not visit the doctor check out symptoms on the internet or even so much as speak to anyone about your problems. For a period of six months from today.

Grey specimen box is removed from purchased item. Contents include: 1 Spoof ASBO 1 ASBO Envelope packed in a poly bag.

Shock your friends by sending them an ASBO! Send either anonymously or reveal your name. They look just like the real thing until closer inspection! This is a spoof ASBO which has been issued by LEISURE POLICE for PLAYING TOO MUCH GOLF. Restrictions are as follows: You must not disappear every Saturday and Sunday morning and not return until after dark sneak off work at every opportunity and cancel appointments family meetings trips and holidays birthdays anniversaries Christmas births deaths weddings and Bar Mitzvahs for the pursuit of your obsession - GOLF.

You must hand in your golf clubs and membership pass to your partner who will allow you to play 1 round a week. For a period of six months from today. Grey specimen box is removed from purchased item.

Contents include: 1 Spoof ASBO 1...